Happy New Year

Well 2009 is DONE and OVER-WITH... and all I can say about it is "Buh-Bye". I really want (need) 2010 to be better and I realized today that the only way that is going to happen is if I make it better. I just want the wisdom and strength to not make the same mistakes all over again and the courage to make the changes that need to be made.

2010 is a BIG year for me , in May I will turn "The Big 4-0" and I think it is high-time I grew up and actually did something with my life. Yeah, yeah... I know I am a "mom" and all that stuff , but everything I do is for everyone else. I need to take care of myself mentally and physically in order to even be around for everyone. I have to be able to believe in myself that "yes, I CAN do it". I need to learn to pick my "battles" not to freak-out at every little thing , let some stuff go... but really put my foot down on others. I realize that I do that alot with everything/everyone in my life and not just my kids and husband. So here is my list of aspirations for 2010 ( notice I didn't say "resolutions" , I don't like that word)

• Get "healthy" and lose at least 40lbs by my 40th Birthday (May 29th)
• Take some sort of class, need to get my brain back in action and try to decide on a "Career Path" ( I know I am 39yrs old, but I have been a SAHM for the last 17yrs that was my "career")
• Complete household projects ( that is a whole list all on it's own)
• Be a better mom, wife, sister , daughter, and friend ( I have to learn not to take everything to heart, my heart is heavy enough and I don't need to add more then is already there. I am grateful for all the wonderful people in my life ....old and new)
• Pay Bills "on-time" ( I know it sounds stupid, but I have really been bad lately with that one)
• Take control of our finances ( spending is getting out of control we don't save)
• Take my blog to a new level ( more vlogging, stick to a design, get buttons , keep up on writing and reading )
• Make more time/memories with my kids ( time is just flying by and before I know it my oldest will be off to college, we need to spend more time together as a "family")
• Be better organized ( get on husband that we really need to clean out the clutter in the house, it is suffocating me )

Well that is it , at least that my brain can think of right now.... it is enough to get me started.

Happy New Year, 2010 is going to be freaking awesome!

Wordless Wednesday ( Elf Style )

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

To Do Tuesday

I feel so "out of sorts" this Holiday Season and really had to muster up the energy to even do this post. I figured maybe if I did it, it would give me the boost(or should I say "kick-in-the-ass") I need to get out of this funk and get my act together!

• Take down all the Christmas Decorations ( not sure what day I will actually do this, it will depend on if my family comes to my house for my nephew's birthday party this weekend. if they do I will wait til after they leave to take it all down. But we are supposed to have "snow showers" all weekend, so I don't know........ )
• Must, Must catch up on my blog reading and start tweeting again. ( I have been such a slacker , and really didn't want to tweet in my "state of mind".... I felt like all I was doing was complaining and that just doesn't help me or anyone else )
• Make my "Winter Project Lists". ( this will probably be a post all on it's own, maybe when I get it done I will post it separately)
• Get out all my Weight Watchers stuff ( this will probably not start until Jan. 2nd again depending on the birthday party situation)
• Pay Bills ( an other chore I have neglected....sorry Allstate, and most of my credit cards)
• Figure out who on the PTO is in charge of the Family Winter Dance on Jan. 22nd and light a fire under her ASS ( cuz after the stress of the Holiday Store , I gladly pass the torch of this event on to someone else for a change. although I did make sure the DJ was available and already emailed the Treasurer to cut the girl a check.)
• Go see Alvin and The Chipmunks "The Squeakquel" ( OMG...... I can't friggin wait and neither can Thomas. Those little dudes are soo damn cute!)

Well I guess that is it for now........ This meme thingy is brought to you by Lisa over at Crazy Adventures in Parenting. Go check out her list ( she is an awesome mom ) and all the others who join in and maybe you will want to get all organized for the New Year too. Happy Holidays Happy Tuesday Thanks xoxoxo

Merry Christmas

This is the only Christmas image I could find to describe how my Christmas Eve is headed.......RIGHT DOWN THE TOILET!!

Hopefully Christmas morning with my family will be fine.....

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

Six Word Saturday

"I'm tired, is it over yet?"Wow, I can't believe it is Saturday again already. It has been a crazy busy week and seems that there is no end in sight to the madness. I guess I will relax in 2010. (yeah, right who am I kidding?) For my bloggy friends who live here on the East Coast we are all preparing to be snowed-in this weekend. I need to be snowed-in to catch up on household chores. If you want "in" on this very easy and fun Meme go check out ShowMyFace.com for how others describe their Saturday (or week) in "Six Words"

Wordless Wednesday

The VanDeusen Christmas Photo 2009

Happy Holidays

Love

Tina, Chris, Nicholas and Thomas

To Do Tuesday

Once again it is an insanely busy week around here and what makes it worse, is I am not really "into" this Holiday Season. Every year it gets harder and harder, and you would think with my kids getting older it would be easier. I keep thinking to myself "next year has to be better, less stressful" NOPE... seems there is always extra BULLSHIT added to the normal stress of the Holidays. So like every year I have to suck-it-up , smile and just get through it!

This week will consist of

* cleaning, laundry, shopping, cooking, wrapping, running the Holiday Store at my son's school on Wed. and Thurs. (set up for it is today at 3pm for about 2hrs, hopefully it will only take 2hrs. Not sure who, if anyone will show up to help me.) drinking (and yes, I mean the ALCOHOL kind of drinking) eating. Oh, I am going to attempt to bake something (just one batch of something from scratch, not Pilsbury or Betty Crocker) As if it wasn't enough my mom decided we are going to celebrate my niece's birthday before Christmas at my brother's house ( my niece's birthday is Dec 20th , my nephew's is Jan. 1) yes, my sister is a big pain in our asses! giving birth to both of her children 1 week before and one week after Christmas. We normally do both of their birthdays on New Years Day. Not sure why mom decided to add to all the madness!!??

I am too lazy and stressed to make my list all "organized" but I think you get the gist of it.

If you want to do a "To Do Tuesday" list too, or just go check out it's crazy founder.... head over and see Lisa over at Crazy Adventures in Parenting.

Thanks

Six Word Saturday

"Gettin My Ass Ready For Christmas" Now you know how I am "describing my life in Six Words" go check out ShowMyFace.com to see how others do it. Or maybe you want to join in on the Meme fun and link up yourself, go ahead........... I dare you to try it (hey, that was six words) LOL

Wordless Wednesday

My gorgeous grandson Tyler

just turned 5 months old this weekend

for more Wordless Wednesday posts/pictures head over to 5 Minutes For Mom.

To Do Tuesday

My head is spinning and I'm just going to go right into my list.....no witty story, no nothing. I am too busy to think of it or type it. All the anxiety over Christmas coming and this damn Holiday Store at my son's school, it's kinda takin' over right now. So if you want to get "in" on this crazy list-making meme go check out Lisa over at Crazy Adventures in Parenting and join in on the To-Do obsession.

Here we go.........

#1- Shop ( I am kinda freaking out about not having much done at all )

#2- Holiday Store ( make up flyers, buy last minute items, make up the schedule, go through the 4 giant boxes that arrived at my house yesterday...... UGH )

#3- Christmas Cards (take the boys picture, and start addressing them)

#4- Grocery list/coupon/dinner menu

#5- Pay bills

I can't even think of what else I have to do besides cleaning, laundry but I am sure there is 10 more things that will come up.

Thanks

xoxo

Remembering My Big Brother

Today is my oldest brother Andrew's Birthday, he would have been 46 years old. He was 20 when he was killed in a car accident on September 9th , 1984. I was 14 and was just about to start my Freshmen year of High School. Some days it seems like it was just yesterday and I can remember vividly that my friends were all sleeping over and he came into the den before he went out to say "bye". It was always a comforting memory for me, my girlfriend's and I were joking around and playing with a box of Barbie's we found in the closet. When he opened the door to say he was leaving , he caught us "playing Barbie". It was hysterical and embarrassing all at the same time.
To this day I wonder what would have become of him and our family if he was still here. My mother says she can't go there, but I just can't help it sometimes.

Happy Birthday Andrew.... Miss and Love You Always

Thanks
xoxo

Award, Award

Awwww.... I am soo honored I got this Award twice in one day. One from my buddy Robin over at Masshole Mommy (for Tina's Decor and More ) and the other from Freddae at Coffee God and Me ( for this blog). I am sooo cheating and just doing the same post on both blogs. Jeez, I hope I am not breaking any laws or anything! The "strings" attached with getting this Award is that you have to say 5 things you like to do and then pass this on to 5 friends.

These are the 5 things I like to do:

#1. Decorating , looking at home decor in stores and magazines..... ( now I just need an endless supply of $$ to make it all happen)

#2. Hanging out with my friends ( all of them, real-life friends and my online-friends )

#3. Laugh, I just love to laugh !!

#4. Be with my family ( Guess this should have been #1, but whatcanIsay... not loving them all right at this moment)

#5. Watching TV ( I know it is lame....but I just love my tv. Reality show junkie, HGTV fanatic and any Cop drama )

Now these are the 5 friends I am sending this award to:

#1. Cheryl at The Budge Bunch ( cuz she is one of my "real-life" BFF's and "online" BFF we have the best of both worlds )


#2. Kate at Busted Plumbing ( cuz she is handling her infertility with grace and humor )


#3. Ryan at For The Birds ( cuz she is the "Best" and I just loved how excited she got when I gave her an award before )


#4. Mary at Pajamas and Coffee ( OMG, cuz she is just tooo freaking hysterical )

#5. Last but not least I give this award to Mrs. Blogs Alot . ( cuz we are new friends and reading one of her posts encouraged a good "cleanse" that I much needed)
So go check out these awesome friends of mine!!
Thanks
xoxo

Six Word Saturday

I have been struggling all morning trying to come up with a post to do, and had no idea where to start. I really just wanted to make it so my "Bitchin and Moanin" post wasn't sitting there all weekend. I am sooo thankful and touched by all the comments and the support I have gotten from everyone! I can actually feel all the virtual (((hugs))) that were given right threw my computer. So I started searching the web and my blog roll for some sort of Saturday Meme that would be the easiest thing to do to just get something up.

In my blog roll I came across this one "Six Word Saturday" posted by Omni Times 4 , and I thought "I could do that". She got it from Show my Face where you can link up and check out what other's are saying about their lives in "Six Words". You can either use 6 separate words or a phrase that has 6 words in it. So I am just going to go for it. This week I am going to use 6 separate words......

"Christmas Decorating, Shoveling Snow, Laundry Laundry"

Bitchin' and Moanin'

( I am going to warn you now, this is going to be a curse filled rant about my Insane Life, so if you think you will be offended or don't want to hear me Ramble-on and BITCH then you better run now, cuz this is going to be a doosey)





I am not even sure where to start with all of my feelings. Over the last couple of days I have come across a few posts of bloggers feeling the same way, one even called it a "douching" of sorts. (ya know, clean it out and start again fresh) Maybe everyone is going through a "phase" is it a full moon or something?
So, first I will start with my husband...... he is a big-fat PAIN IN MY ASS!! Really he is just so miserable 80% of the time. I know he just had his neck surgery, and he can't help it (with being on enough pain meds to kill a herd of cow) but I have been dealing with this for years now, (he has been home, disabled for 7 years now). Not sure how much more of this I can take for my own sanity and for the well-being of my kids. It is harsh to say, I love him and all....but it really has taken a toll on me, our marriage and I believe my kids have missed-out on a lot. I do everything around here and to make matters worse he is a slob, hoarder so between him and his fucking bird they make more of a mess then me, Nick and Tom put together!! I daydream about how much easier my life would probably be if I was on my own with just the boys.
Then there is his whole family... his mother, father, brother and the 3 kids he has from his 1st marriage!! Ya know what, that is just tooo long of a story to go into now. I could write an entire BOOK on how much bullshit and agony each and everyone of them have caused me!! Let's just say they are ALL fucking losers and move on!
Sometimes I honestly can sit here and say I HATE my life there is soo much stress put on me by others and myself. I try so hard at being a mom, wife, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, sister-in-law, daughter-in-law, PTO vice-president and all around good person. But I feel like I SUCK soo bad all of them (oh, boy get out your violins.....I smell a "pity party" coming on) I feel lazy, fat, and stupid most of the time! If you are thinking "poor Tina" DON'T..... I am FAT (could stand to lose a good 75lbs) , I am LAZY (just take a look around my house and the piles of laundry not done) and STUPID. I can give you a perfect example of "stupid"... my 9yr old who is in 4th grade asked me what a shape was (he drew a picture of it on his white board) I told him "I don't know" he looked at me and started to tear up. So I said, "what, do you have a test today or something?" to which he responded "yes". Oh God, I felt like the biggest piece of SHIT, so I ran to my laptop and searched "shapes" and found the one he drew , ya know what it was ..........a FUCKING TRAPEZOID. I couldn't tell my 9yr old 4th grader what a trapezoid was! I cried when he left for school. When I don't understand what my 16yr old Junior in High School is talking about , I don't feel as dumb. He is a very very smart kid in all Honor classes, but to not be able to help your 4th grader out is just plain depressing!
My house is a disater, filled with clutter in every nook and crany..... I mean if you came over you would think by most standards it is "clean" but every drawer, closet, cabinet and nook is filled to the brim with SHIT. I feel like it is all suffocating me sometimes....but it is all so overwhelming you never know where to start. It is all a vicious cycle, maybe if I cleaned the clutter in my head, I could clean the physical clutter... or is it vice-a-versa??
I DON'T KNOW and if anyone out there has the answer or the "magic pill" I am open to all advice and donations of medication!
I am really a "happy-go-lucky" person.... well I used to be. I really feel like that person is still inside of me, but is sometime suppressed by all the stresses of LIFE. I am going to use this as a cleanse and try to move past it. Some of these things are out of my control and I have to just accept that, but what I really need to do is work on the things I can control and change.

So there it is.....my crappy life in a nutshell. Hope it wasn't tooo uncomfortable for ya!!

Going to get ready for a visit from my little grandson Tyler..... I know for a fact he can put a smile on my face!!
Thanks
xoxo

Wordless Wednesday

Gingerbread Houses at Grammy's

Every year my sister and I take the kids to my mom's so they can make their gingerbread houses. Now 3 of the 4 grand-kids are teenagers , we don't have many more years of this tradition. My Nick is 16 and he didn't want to do his this year

(ya know,he does have his driver's license and is a junior in High School)

It was sweet though , he sat with Thomas and helped him with the icing on his. They were being very goofy and laughing the whole time

( I am sure the sugar rush helped fuel the funnies)

Above is the house my sister and I did together

(cuz my son was just "too cool" to do one)

Below is Thomas' house

For more Wordless Wednesday posts check out 5 minutes for mom.

I guess, I really should label mine "Wordful Wednesday" even here, I talk too much!

Happy Hump Day

To Do Tuesday

Well I am not sure which week this is for me.... I really should go back and count, then number them like everyone else does. But then that would be one more thing added to my To Do Tuesday list and I have enough to do for now! I thought this was going to be an easy week, just a lot of the normal day-to-day stuff. But starting yesterday I realized this week was going to be just another one of those Insane weeks around here (like usual).

You can go check out all the other crazy list makers over at Crazy Adventures in Parenting . Lisa the head "Crazy" just got back from a long vacation.... I am just a little jealous (alright, A LOT jealous) I would give anything right now to get the HELL out of here!!

But I am stuck, making my freaking To Do Tuesday list...... so here it goes :

*Dinner menu for the week

*Grocery list and shop

*meeting at BOE tonight to meet the new Superintendent ( I need to at least pretend like I understand what the hell is going on there)

*go to my son's school on wed to send home some pto flyers ( I was already there yesterday morning doing the PTO bulletin board and going through our cabinet to see what left over stuff we have for our Holiday Store coming up in 2 weeks)

*buy some more Christmas gifts ( which it would be nice if I knew what to get, my kids are soo spoiled they don't really want/need anything)

*make sure Thomas has a nice outfit for Thurs'. "winter concert" at school: ( Thurs night will be the first time he plays his clarinet for a crowd ) gonna be tooo cute

*clean out some of the clutter in Thomas' room to make room for the new stuff.

*finish the Christmas decorations / put the fall decorating boxes back up in the attic

*Blog reading and writing

*pay bills

*work on the Holiday store schedule, (that is if any one of the parents who signed up to help out would return my email) also need to work on packaging some of the items for the store

Well that is it, I guess... along with the regular everyday cleaning, cooking and laundry that is ENOUGH !

Have a great week

Thanks

xoxo