100th Post..... The "Real" Insane Life

Whooooo hooooo, this is my 100th post! I noticed I was close a little over a week ago and have been thinking about it ever since. I thought I would use this time to be really honest about myself and my life. Anybody that comes to my blog must think to themselves "why did she name it Tina's Insane Life?" All I've been blogging about lately is my weight loss , a To Do Tuesday list and sometimes a Wordless Wednesday and that doesn't give anyone a glimpse of my life.
I have gone to write a post several times about some crazy crap that happened and never had the guts to finish it or press "publish post". I always let the fear of what others would think take over, or the fact that I must sound like a raving lunatic! Well guess what, sometimes I am a raving lunatic! So for my 100th post I am going to give you a small taste of who I really am and what I live with on a daily basis.
First I will start with myself.... I think it helps to understand I am a Gemini in all it's two-sided glory. I'm outgoing , funny obnoxious and loud....but yet shy at the same time. I am overly emotional, so insecure and carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. I'm a people-pleaser and I think it winds up making it so I don't please anyone, including myself. I try very hard (sometimes too hard) to be the best mom, wife, sister, daughter, daughter-in-law, and friend that I wind up sucking at all of them. I am one of those people that if you walk into my house, it looks neat and clean.....but don't open a closet, a drawer or a cabinet! It's like a cartoon... shit will come flying out at you or falls on your head! Well, that is enough about me for now I am going to get into the nitty gritty of the bullshit that goes on in my life. I think it would be easier for me to just write it out in list form:

• My husband is disabled and has been home out of work for the last 7 years. He was in a car accident while at work and has had 3 neck surgeries. (now, imagine being home with your husband 24/7 for that long..... yeah, NOT FUN)
  
• I have 3 step children ages 22, 21 and 18. We only have a relationship with the oldest, he and his girlfriend just had a baby boy 8 months ago. But he is not our first grandchild, my stepdaughter had a baby girl when she was 17, that we rarely saw. My stepdaughter has had a lot of issues with people she associates with and her over all attitude. She recently got in trouble with the law and my granddaughter was taken into state custody. She actually spent some time in jail, and could go back to do more if she is found guilty of the charges. To top that all off, we found out a couple months ago she is pregnant again. It is a heartbreaking situation for my husband and I. As for the 18 year old... he always has had a shitty attitude toward everyone and everything. He spent a couple years in a group home for boys , then went and stayed with a foster family til he was 16 and moved back with his mother. They don't want anything to do with us because they don't want to hear us tell them that they are screwing up their lives. That is a very very short version of the stepchildren drama.
  
• We live in a side-by-side 2 family house with my in-laws. I don't know if you have ever seen "Everybody Loves Raymond" but that is basically what I deal with. My father-in-law is an loud mouth pain-in-the-ass who has no boundaries. My mother-in-law is a bitch who loves her boys but treats them like shit at the same time. She only knows how to love them one at a time.....If she is babying one, the other is an ass and vice versa. But most of the time she is babying my loser 46 year old brother-in-law who may look like the brother Robert on the show but he is the total opposite. He is a raging alcoholic who spent time in jail, went to rehab several times and almost died. He has no job, no license and bounces from one crazy girlfriend to another. He still gets into trouble all the time and we somehow get stuck picking up the pieces. He gets away with everything, he should be in jail right now for getting arrested in Jan and then again this Monday night but of course he got his 1,000,000th chance. (soooooooo frustrating I can SCREAM) That again is a very very short version of some of the in-law drama.

I don't bitch about my own family because we are NORMAL.... not perfect but normal for heaven's sake. I attract crazy people for some reason, I can't even tell you how many friends I have had who take my being nice for granted. You know those kind that suck you dry, mentally and physically until you just have to cut them out of your life totally. (jeez, sitting here thinking of that sentence...I hope I never become "that person")

I think that is all I can write now because I need to go take a xanax and drink a glass (or a bottle) of wine. Can't believe I wrote all that, not sure it made any sense. I've had the tab open to write this post for about 8hours now and I have to just press "publish" and let it go.

That's it "Tina's Insane Life"........

Can't Wait For Summer....

I know it's not even March yet, but I can't stop thinking about our Summer vacation this year. Mainly because my mom can't stop talking about it, where we should go and if we should try something different.
See for last few years, my whole family has gone together. (by "my whole family" I mean, my mom, sister, her husband, kids and my brother....that makes 10 of us) We go to Long Beach Island, NJ. The first couple times we went we stayed in this tiny house about a block and a half away from the beach, but for the last 2 years we stayed at a much bigger house right on the beach. OMG, it was heaven... I loved to sit out on the deck over looking the ocean in the morning with my coffee and the evenings with a cocktail.
We found out last summer the owner was selling and the new owners would not be renting it out for this year because they want to do a major remodel. My mom got a good deal on this house, which is the only reason we could stay in such a nice/big place. So her idea for this year was to maybe go to a lake community instead of the ocean again. We are considering The Poconos in PA. I just want to sit on a beach, in the sand and get sun on my fat ass, so I could really care less where it is. I think my mom, my sister and I are going to use this as a good excuse to go"check out" the new spots. Ooohhhh, I'm game for that.... "Road-Trip".

I will miss LBI, but looking forward to going somewhere new.

To Do Tuesday

Finally getting to this post...almost was going to blow it off. I haven't even given it much thought, just going to wing-it. This week is going to be a crappy weather week, the kids came home from school early today and doesn't look like they will go at all tomorrow either. So, not really sure how much extra chores I will get done. Think I will just concentrate on keeping up on the daily routines so I don't fall behind.
This Sunday my son Nick turns 17 and my mom wants to have the family party at her house. It takes all the cleaning pressure off of me, that is for sure.

• keep up on laundry (I have been on a roll lately and don't want to lose the momentum)
• return the damn recyclables
  
• figure out Nick's Birthday cake
  
• Nick's Birthday gifts (have a few small things for him but that is it)
  
• pay the bills for this week (via my new bill pay organizer/calendar)
  
• research vacation spots in The Poconos
  
• research SAT prep courses for Nick to take
  
• make a list of questions for Nick's Guidance Counselor
  
• stay on my diet (try try try)
  
• work on my blog (there is alot I want to do with it, and I'm going to figure it out on my own)
• blood work (jeez, I keep forgetting cuz I have to fast for it...let's face it I LIKE TO EAT)

Well that is it for me...... and if anything else gets done then BONUS.
If you want to go check out some more To Do Tuesday posts go check out Lisa over at
Crazy Adventures in Parenting.

Mamavation Monday

Last week I was in such a better frame of mind after reading all the mamavation posts and watching the show Monday night. Realizing that you are not alone and it was my mind playing tricks on me was comforting. Not that I take comfort in other's struggles, but you know what I mean. Now with that said, I wasn't the best I could be last week but I can't tell you how much being back to "myself" felt. I had a sinus/sore throat thing going on all week, and for some reason I was exhausted every day.
Plus, it wouldn't be a normal week around here without some family (and by that, I mean "in-law family") drama. My stepson and his girlfriend are having issues, it is very hard to stay out of it and give advice at the same time. But they have a baby now, and I'm just trying to think what is best for my grandson. I'm so not good at that kind of shit, I am a very emotional person and take it all on as if it is my problem. (Note to self: need to STOP doing that!)

But even with all of that, I lost 1.4lbs. So I am just grateful for that considering I went to Cheryl's house(of TheBudgeBunch.com) Sat night for a Thirty One Gifts party. I had one drink and 2 small pieces of pizza.
I want to give a special shout out this week to Angela (@angelasue79 and Fitting into Thirty)
for just being an awesome sista and friend to me. Love ya , girl!!
See everyone tonight at the Mamavation show, Dr Renna is going to give a nutritional lesson.

It's off to the grocery store today to stock up on fruits, veggies and healthy snacks for me.
xoxo

Wordless Wednesday

$60.89
My 16yr old son Nicholas' 1st paycheck!
Whoooo hoooo...
Now hand it over bud, mamma needs a new pair of shoes.

(not sure why it came out so small , but if you click on it you can see it better)

For more Wordless Wednesday's check out 5MinutesForMom.com

To Do Tuesday

"To Do Tuesday" is 1 year old today.....
HaPpY BiRtHdAy to you, HaPpY BiRtHdAy to you

I haven't done a To Do Tuesday list in a couple of weeks.... I feel so out-of-the-loop.
Last week I did start the post, but then my son's school called about 15mins after I put him on the bus to have me come pick him up. "Mrs VanDeusen, this is the nurse at Southwest School Thomas threw-up on the bus."
Man, did I feel like crap. He told me that morning that his stomach didn't feel good, but we both thought it was because he had eaten Reeces Puffs cereal for breakfast. (I love chocolate and peanut butter just as much as the next gal....but for breakfast? yuck) whooops... well he forgave me a lot sooner then I forgave myself.

I have been in this horrible "funk" lately. I can't find the motivation, energy or desire to do anything more then I have to. It seems like the everyday chores of laundry, bed making, vacuuming, cooking and everything else we do on a daily basis is too exhausting. I mean Jeez, I haven't had the freakin energy or desire to write down all things I want to get done (even knowing damn-well they won't get done!) I went to the Dr. today and she gave me some "happy pills" we are hoping it will boost my moods and help lower my stress induced high blood pressure.

This week I am really going to try very hard to push through this funk and get to the other side.... So to help with this goal, I will have my son's 17th Birthday Party here at my house (we usually do birthday parties at my mom's house, it is a more central location for the rest of the family) His Birthday is Feb. 28th, which falls on a Sunday. (that gives me 12 days to get my ass in full-on "company is coming, panic mode")

Here is goes......

• finish my "bill paying" organizing project
• paint my bathroom
• clean out my dresser in bedroom (also the mess of magazines on floor next to my bed)
• get hubby to fix the hole in the wall in our hallway (don't ask!)
  
• return the recyclables (soda cans, water bottles....etc)
  
• finish buying gifts for Nick's B-day
  
• do some decluttering of cabinets/drawers
  
• major cleaning and decluttering of both the boys rooms

• stay on diet, drink water, count points, Wii Fit (need to get back on track of my goal "lose 40lbs by my 40th Birthday" and now I am down to 15 weeks to lose 34lbs) *sigh*

• keep on my blog posting/reading/commenting (only 4 more posts til 100th) anybody got any ideas of what I should post about?
  

I think that will do it for now.... If you want to get in on the To Do Tuesday list making madness, go check out Lisa at Crazy Adventures in Parenting and link up.

Mamavation Monday

I'm not going to give any bullshit excuses........it was a bad week.
Didn't drink my water, didn't eat very well (didn't eat much at all) and to top it off I drank on Friday night. I am paying for it now, very upset with myself and embarrassed to write this post.
I was even considering lying and acting all happy-go-lucky, but couldn't bring myself to do that.

I'm so sick of this funk that I am in, it's taking over my life. I can't seem to find the strength to push through it, it's like a vicious cycle. Going to the Dr. today and hoping she can help me out in some way. (ya know, more then just a swift kick in the ass)
I am so proud of how well all of you are doing and looking forward to the Mamavation Show tonight at our new home Mingle Media Tv Network.

Gotta get'er done... I have a goal and want to achieve it and now I only have 15 weeks to make it.

Thanks
luv you all
xoxoxo