It has been quite a while since I've written a blog post. I've tried several times over the last month and a half and just couldn't bring myself to finish one.
To say I've had some drama going on here is an understatement. I live in a never ending fucking soap opera without all the money, good looking people and big houses. I guess that would make what goes on here, more like an episode of Jerry Springer (
not even kidding).
I am turning 40 in just 8 short days and this is sooo NOT where I want my life to be. I never really thought about what I wanted out of life, but I can tell you right now....it isn't THIS.
I didn't dream of having some awesome career. I always knew I wanted to be a Mom and never thought much past that.
I didn't think that my life would consist of having a disabled husband, living next door to my in-laws, dealing with a severe alcoholic brother-in-law, not having any contact with two out of three of my step-children (and now two step-grandchildren) and the one step-child and grandson I do have a relationship with, would be strained at the moment. Believe me when I tell you, I'm not even touching the tip of the iceberg that is my SUCK-ASS life.
I am grateful for
my family, friends and two sons. Those are the people and relationships I'm going to focus 100% of my attention on now. It won't be easy considering the crazies all live next door and in the same town as me, but I have to TRY. (
for my sanity)
I am going to make a "bucket list" of sorts.... it will consist of things I want and need to do.
Think I'll make that a separate post. (
hey, I need all the help I can get lately)